你每天工作看到生老病死 什么感想啊?
我看见病人辛苦疼痛或逝世等等都还okay
但是如果看见他们身边的家人朋友为他们感到难过或着不舍得
我的情绪就很受影响
看到他们的家人朋友哭或伤心难过 我就眼眶红红
我不知道自己该如何面对悲伤的家属
a friend recently asked me how did i deal with all the emotions in hospital where sickness and death seems almost ubiquitous.and i told her this:
actually, sometime even i could not hold my tears…
so i told myself, death is but another step in our life
and i told myself, their love one pass-on to a better place… coz God is graceful
actually, it might even get worst. Especially in a institution where resources are limited, and we were force into making decision about other people’s life. No, this is not a world of fairy tale where people live happily ever after. This is reality.
Somewhere along our career, we were made to decide who are worth saving, and who are not. So it boils down to simple fact like old age, too sick, socially not worthy. It will leave u with a bad conscious knowing u could not give them the best care. And it is part and parcel of this title we come to bear. Medicine is for the heart of gold. Unshaken…
Truth to be told, one thing i learned about being “over-zealous” about saving ppl’s life, especially of those whose soul seems too eager to leave us, whom sustained too great of an injury/insult to their body, that it seems to be too difficult to save/salvage. That one thing i learn, is to always think TWICE. No, i not saying that u should think twice about saving a life, but think twice of the consequences u have brought upon with your action.
I have quite a few cases, but i’d mention one or two here. (please note that this is a personal blog. and any controversial topic discussed here shall not be publish elsewhere)
just the end of last year, i had case involving a complicated labour. To make the story short, a lady went into labour in the ambulance with a breech presentation. We had no choice but to perform breech-assisted delivery in ambulance. There’s difficulty delivering the baby head and the baby head got stuck for almost 5 mins. Baby came out flat (no movement, no heartbeat, no sign of life), and i went all out to resuscitate the child (CPR, intubation, adrenaline) , refusing to stop after even 10mins.
and finally i’ve gotten a heartbeat, and soon after, the baby started breathing… frankly speaking, i was so happy, that tear filled my eyes as i thanked God. It was almost a miracle.
little that i know, my “heroic” soon translate into a long ordeal for the child’s family. The child sufferred HIE (a condition cause by prolonged lack of oxygen to brain, causing child to get epilepsy and retarded brain development).
for the next 4 month, the child has been in-and-out of hospital, suffering from severe pneumonia. (because she’d vomit milk after feeding and the milk will flow into the lung coz her throat reflex is not good. )
and in the end, she passed on at the age of 5 month, by the time, she is already a case known “not for active resuscitation”. Due to her condition, her prognosis is poor. The parents had no choice but to bow to reality and accepted the fact that it is better for her to pass on.
So it make me question myself sometimes, if i have not been over-zealous to save the child like in the first place, would it be a better outcome. Instead of having the family endure the pain. Still, deep down, I knew i’d do the same regardless.
the 2nd case involve a story of a 3-month old, who had a car accident. He sustained severe head injury. the skull fractured and it was bleeding into the brain. I resuscitated the child and got back a pulse, only to find the child showing sign of brain death. and i had to let the child go…
All i’m trying to say is: Death, sometime, might not be the worst case scenario.
i still remember this 8 year old girl, who got involved in an accident and fractured her neck. She became paralyzed neck down. She was in my ward for many month. Initially, the father stay by the bed day and night. Then, as time pass, the father had to start working, and he’d come every evening. Soon, it become few times a week. Then once in a while… and it comes to a point where we had to call the father to come. At times, i’d be angry at the father for literally abandoning the child. But knowing the circumstances, i did not commented. In the end, when the child passed away, she has no one by her side… it really sadden me. The world has given up on her before she herself gave up… and i got a little teary.
So i told myself, if my patient passed away and the relative is there to mourn his/her death, i’d not cry anymore. At least, i know he/she passed on being loved.
