Rumble in the Kitchen

another long hiatus, and a new blog to start-over. Much had happened for the past year. To summarize, I am back in Kuantan and working at the emergency department. Also, I recently moved into my new house despite not being fully furnished yet... oh well, that's another long story all together.

Anyway, I finally got my own place, so I have access to the kitchen!

Looking back, one of the reason why i enjoyed living in Moscow is the fact that I get to choose what I eat since I cooked myself. Some people said that cooking is an ancient alchemy to transform raw ingredient into delicious dishes, and it is all about science :)

Being a man of science, I reckon cooking is really a teaching of the precise methodology of preparing the ingredient of the correct portion, processing them in a series of sequence refined through ages. So, great wisdom of mankind are hidden in the meal they prepare. It is science and art, yet it fills up your tummy and put a smile on your face!

I returned home tonite after my shift in the greenzone. There were plenty of patients to be seen, so I was famished by the time I got home.

I opened my refrigerator to find some groceries I bought 2 days ago, with the plan to cook up a storm when I've got the time. I bought some cute mushrooms along with some fresh vegetables. Yet, they are sitting in the fridge staring back at me, as a scan through to find something for a quick bite.

In the end, I decided to go ahead and cook.

Funilly, I was eating Heinz bake beans when I read the printing on the tin can. There was this short recipe which is rather simple. Just the right thing for a desperate time like this! haha

So I extracted the selected raw ingredients, then put on my apron and start cutting away~

"a good chef always pick his own ingredient fresh"

chop...chop..chop

dice...dice...dice

pondering about life, looking at the mushroom :p

beware: man working in kitchen :p

As soon as the ingredients are prepared in "proper" manner, off they goes into the pre-heated pot with a small chunk of lightly salted butter from Australia

look at the lovely golden color of the caramelized mushrooms

fresh vegetable is added last so they will stay crunchy

and of course - the secret sauce (learned from the tin can of Heinz baked bean..hehes)

To serve, I toasted a slice of Pita bread. Lightly brown.

and voila! The finished Masterpiece :)

Did I make You feel hungry? Oh well, You can always bug my life for it. I'll probably dutifully obliged :p

as life zoomed past…

Now, i’m sitting  in a cozy spot at starbucks. The jazz in the background is comfort music… I’ve got a smile of my face… I am still alive. It was just about a month ago, i was involved in a car accident.

The accident

In short, there was a small margin of error during a lone-drive postcall.  It occurred within seconds. What happened was that I lost focus on the road for a moment. and the next thing i know, the car went off path. The wheels left the tarmac,and quickly converts to a rough landing onto the sandy boulder. Dirt smoked into the air.

I made my best effort to maneuver, only to make things worst.

Soon, i am drifting across the road towards the opposite lane. My arms reacted before my mind did – i gave a strong tuck on the steering and the car went completely out of control.

I let the car swirl and turn on its own. Then, it came crashing onto the side railing, bounced off, swirled, and crashed again.

As it came to a halt, i found myself still strapped to my seat unharmed. The car itself was now situated sideway, blocking halfway across the road. Quickly enough, a loud honk took my attention. I turned and vaguely make out the shape of a lorry came racing towards me. I could not react. Good thing It avoided me just in time and zoomed past…

Regaining myself from the after-shock, i make haste to drive myself out of harms way. Yes, the car still move, even if it’s barely running. It suffered quite a blow.

The Aftermath

Remember how the movie would potray the near-death moment in slow-motion. I think I had mine too… Maybe i am being dramatic, but i think i saw life zoomed past!

And i think it change my outlook at life. Here i am, finding myself value my own life a little more.  I’d stay true to what i want in life. Things that would I hesistate before, they won’t trouble me now… somehow,  I worry less now

 "life can be short… now it can be great "

Your vain blogger

Question about life and death

你每天工作看到生老病死 什么感想啊?
我看见病人辛苦疼痛或逝世等等都还okay
但是如果看见他们身边的家人朋友为他们感到难过或着不舍得
我的情绪就很受影响
看到他们的家人朋友哭或伤心难过 我就眼眶红红
我不知道自己该如何面对悲伤的家属

a friend recently asked me how did i deal with all the emotions in hospital where sickness and death seems almost ubiquitous.and i told her this:

actually, sometime even i could not hold my tears…
so i told myself, death is but another step in our life
and i told myself, their love one pass-on to a better place… coz God is graceful

actually, it might even get worst. Especially in a institution where resources are limited, and we were force into making decision about other people’s life. No, this is not a world of fairy tale where people live happily ever after. This is reality.

Somewhere along our career, we were made to decide who are worth saving, and who are not. So it boils down to simple fact like old age, too sick, socially not worthy. It will leave u with a bad conscious knowing u could not give them the best care. And it is part and parcel of this title we come to bear. Medicine is for the heart of gold. Unshaken…

Truth to be told, one thing i learned about being “over-zealous” about saving ppl’s life, especially of those whose soul seems too eager to leave us, whom sustained too great of an injury/insult to their body, that it seems to be too difficult to save/salvage. That one thing i learn, is to always think TWICE. No, i not saying that u should think twice about saving a life, but think twice of the consequences u have brought upon with your action.

I have quite a few cases, but i’d mention one or two here. (please note that this is a personal blog. and any controversial topic discussed here shall not be publish elsewhere)

just the end of last year, i had case involving a complicated labour. To make the story short, a lady went into labour in the ambulance with a breech presentation. We had no choice but to perform breech-assisted delivery in ambulance. There’s difficulty delivering the baby head and the baby head got stuck for almost 5 mins. Baby came out flat (no movement, no heartbeat, no sign of life), and i went all out to resuscitate the child (CPR, intubation, adrenaline) , refusing to stop after even 10mins.

and finally i’ve gotten a heartbeat, and soon after, the baby started breathing… frankly speaking, i was so happy, that tear filled my eyes as i thanked God. It was almost a miracle.

little that i know, my “heroic” soon translate into a long ordeal for the child’s family. The child sufferred HIE (a condition cause by prolonged lack of oxygen to brain, causing child to get epilepsy and retarded brain development).

for the next 4 month, the child has been in-and-out of hospital, suffering from severe pneumonia. (because she’d vomit milk after feeding and the milk will flow into the lung coz her throat reflex is not good. )

and in the end, she passed on at the age of 5 month, by the time, she is already a case known “not for active resuscitation”. Due to her condition, her prognosis is poor. The parents had no choice but to bow to reality and accepted the fact that it is better for her to pass on.

So it make me question myself sometimes, if i have not been over-zealous to save the child like in the first place, would it be a better outcome. Instead of having the family endure the pain. Still, deep down, I knew i’d do the same regardless.

the 2nd case involve a story of a 3-month old, who had a car accident. He sustained severe head injury. the skull fractured and it was bleeding into the brain. I resuscitated the child and got back a pulse, only to find the child showing sign of brain death. and i had to let the child go…
All i’m trying to say is: Death, sometime, might not be the worst case scenario.

i still remember this 8 year old girl, who got involved in an accident and fractured her neck. She became paralyzed neck down. She was in my ward for many month. Initially, the father stay by the bed day and night. Then, as time pass, the father had to start working, and he’d come every evening. Soon, it become few times a week. Then once in a while… and it comes to a point where we had to call the father to come. At times, i’d be angry at the father for literally abandoning the child. But knowing the circumstances, i did not commented. In the end, when the child passed away, she has no one by her side… it really sadden me. The world has given up on her before she herself gave up… and i got a little teary.
So i told myself, if my patient passed away and the relative is there to mourn his/her death, i’d not cry anymore. At least, i know he/she passed on being loved.

Life between pre-call, on-call & postcall

Time flies as I went through paeds department. All I could say that it is overall a good training. Met some of the cutest children. And some not so cute, but certainly memorable ones.

In particular, the baby who loves to smile and had the habit of taking a deep breath when one blew air onto his face. (malabsorbtion syndrome)

Then there is the boy who can only count the number 4. (Eventration of diaphragm)

Then the boy who smile and say ‘hi’ to doctor eventhough he is literally out of breath.
(pneumonia)

The girl who stop crying when I sing ‘you’ve got a friend in me’. (hyperactive airway disease)

The boy who remind me of cookie monster 
(pierre-robin syndrome)

The girl who like to scratch her backside. (barter syndrome)

The boy who want the precise piece of his Nasi himpit size covered with even spread of peanut gravy. (steroid resistant nephrotic syndrome)

The boy who can still eat chipsmore cookies while having his iv line inserted. (acute lymphoblastic leukemia)

They will all be part of my treasured memories who got me through this hectic department.

Black Hawk Down

i was just discharged from hospital today. was admitted for 3 days due to pain on my right lowerback. Turns out to be a stone down my urinary tract causing hydronephrosis.

they dont have a clock in the ward. I was placed in a 2-person room specially reserved for staff member who got sick. Apparently, i was the only inhibitant for the whole 3 days. time was something that seems most inconsistant. the only ‘time’ i remember is between the wakes from the pain, the jabs then the nauseating episodes of vomit and then, it is back to slumber.

nurses came in every once in a while. every so often, they will stop by to check my vitals. they do appear to come in intervals. mostly on time. sometimes they are late. but it never bothers me. In fact, the short conversation was the one thing that kept me from fading away.

my regular heart rate is about 45-55. it is not normal by medical book standards. most people have a heart rate of 70-80. Mine was less by some reason, but it was normal. (i had it check out when i was in med-school).

most of the time the nurses will be alerted with the number the see on the screen :”45?” “are u okay doctor?”… i would explain to them it is my normal heart rate. they would turn away with some disbelieve on their face, but otherwise, woud proceed with their other errents.

The funny part is, when i was in great pain. My heart rate will rise to somewhere around 80. That is a whooping 30+ difference from my baseline. (it is normal to have heart rate increasing in reflex to pain stimuli) And the nurses will give a big smile and say “well, all is normal!”.

Obviously, it is not normal. cant they read the subtle grimmace on my face? the body language telling them otherwise? Usually, i would bother and just order for another jab of IV.Tramadol. IM just wont cut it for me.

The worst part of the jab is the after-effect. Soon, a swirling sensation will spin in my head. Coupled with the pain i am already in, sweat will breaks on my forehead. For a brief moment, i can hear my breathing gets rather heavy…Then, came the gushing wave of vomitus. If you wonder what it was like. It is like getting your gut turned insde-out…

soon, everything will settled in the burred out ways and i will return the long slumber i was in, before i get woken up by another pain attack.

Pain from a renal colic is excruciating. Those who didnt know will never knows. If you want me to put it into words, then i’d describe it as the sensation worst then being kicked in the balls. (please dont mind my language). The bastard just wont give it to rest. It will keep hiting you again and again until you give in.

In medicine, we usually rate our pain from 1-10. that is what we call a “pain score”. one being the least painful, and then 10 is like when u get a heart attack. Pain from renal colic could go up to 8 by my standard. Usually, i could handle pain score 2-3 (which is somewhere between mild and moderate). But when it hit pain score 4-5, that is where it gets tricky. Your mind will start asking question wether the pain will reduce back to score 2-3 or will be became more violent, hitting score 7-8.

The logic is, one would want the jab before the pain becomes too much to handle. So, i’d have to decide FAST. The reason simply being (1) it takes some time for the medicine to work (2) It also take MUCH time for the nurses to come, to prepare the jab… until you “finally” gets the jab.

To call the nurse, they designed the “nurse buzzer”. Well, i dont really know what it is really called, but it is the very button u pushed to get the nurse in. They made it conveniently close to the bed where u can just reach out and press it swiftly. However, no matter how close it was within reach, it usually took my a good few minutes to press it.

the dillema to press the buzzer, is that u wont know for sure if the pain in getting worse or better. so, like most sane people , i’d to wait it out, and decide if it is REALLY getting worse?

…. and if i have one good tip from this whole hospital ordeal, it is this: NEVER HESSITATE to push that button. Stop being a thickhead and think you’re tough, the pain will ONLY get worse!

after seemingly endless cycle of waking up-and sleeping, i finally got well enough, to be able to push myself up beyond the boundary of the perimeter of the bed, and let in the sun and refreshing breeze.

And apparently, after the long-standing pain, the stone finally trickled down my ureter and now resting just a few milimeter from my bladder. The surgeon decided i wouldnt need to go under the knife. Rather, he would have me wait for the kidney stone to be flushed out from my system the “natural” way.

So, off i go, being kicked out of hospital before actually being healed.

# special thanks to Dr.Dar of Hospital Tengku Ampuan Afzan, who had troubled himself in order to helped me locating the nature of the illness. He had shown kindness and efficiency in his work, and it meant a lot for me.

when was it?

it has been a while since i stayed up late like this doing nothing but staring into the darkness of the room, listening to radio playing endless streams of songs. 988FM is playing some soft tune tonite. mostly love songs by artist unknown by me… i wondered when was it, that i last let myself drown in such emo mess… strangely, it is refreshing.

i went for “Alice in the wonderland” yesterday. watched it alone. it is a nice movie. i laughed a lot. but now that i think of it, i’d rather to have someone to laughed together with :/

hahah, i think midlife crisis must be catching upon me.

dear friends, wherever u may be… i do miss u

Dinner talk: execution of criminal

today, we were discussing about criminal execution over dinner.

nephew01: is it true that we hang criminal to death?
nephew02: of course, they tie some brick on the foot of the criminal, then put him on a plank then kick off the plank and let him fall. that is how i heard it was done.
me: yea somewhat, but malaysia have 2 type of death penalty, one is “gantung sampai mati” (= hang till you die) and another is “hukuman gantung” (= only hang)
nephew01: then if only hang, surely a lot of ppl will survive
me: unlikely, by the force of body falling, usually one will snapped their neck
nephew01: the magician wont die, since they know magic
nephew02: oh, then it will be exhausting for the executioner to hang them repeatingly
me: …

nephew02: why dont we electricute them?
me: US is doing that, hanging is the “malaysian” way
nephew01: which one is more painful, hanging or electricuting?
me: … how do i know, i never got hanged or electricuted before

nephew02: in China, they shoot them to death rite?
me: yes
nephew02: so i heard, the executioner will stand in circle and shoot the criminal in the center. that way, the criminal will surely die, unlike hanging
me: if they stand in circle, then not only the criminal will die, all the executioner might die too, shooting at each other :p
nephew01: LOL

nephew01: why not just toss them into the volcano
me: well, that might work, if only every country got a volcano
nephew02: nevermind, indonesia can lend us the volcano
me: … (wow, how diplomatic of them to think indonesia gonna lend us a freaking VOLCANO!)

nephew01: but it will be a hassle to climb the volcano everytime
me: we can just build the prison next to the volcano
nephew02: or we can fly a plane over and push them down
me: LOL
nephew01: come to think of it, might not be a very good way, if the volcano erupt, it will be dead body all over
us: LOL

nephew01: we can actually dig a big hole and push them all from the plane. that way, we kindda took care of the funeral one shot.
me: but it is not very cost effective to fly a plane everytime we wanna execute a criminal.
nephew02: we could just tie them to the aeroplane tire and dragged them all the way till they die
me: LOL… (yea, they might just die before u took off) or we could just drive a lorry into them
us: LOL

such educational dinner talk, rite? now i can rest assure our future is secured if my nephew becomes the leader of the country next time. next time a judge will pass down a death sentence, it will sound like this: Hukuman mati dengan dilanggar lorry sehingga mati!

2010: not yet 2012

2010 started with a BAM!… i meant that quite literally. BAM! as in collision kind of bam. As 12 midnite clocked-in on us, it actually slipped passed without much celebration. we were busy resuscitating a 16 year-old kid from a motor-vehicle accident. I succeeded intubation on 1st try, yet it wasnt enough to pull him back from the damage that has been done. pronounced brain dead somewhere near dawn.

I stepped outside from the hectic ER and watched the sunrise over the horizon. breathed a bit of fresh air — air without the smell of blood.

that’s how my newyear rolled by.

random photos

i’ve been busy lately…. so there is no update on this blog…

so i thought i’d post some random photos just for fun.

in Berlin, in front of I Museum

Church of Christ of Spilled blood, St.Petersburg... the exposure is abit funny, i know :p

Queen's Palace Royal Guard house, London

Waterfront of Greenwich, UK

saving perfection for another day

we are married to our job. period.

it was a normal working days as any other. i was busy in the ward as usual.

I stood over to take ABG for an elderly patient at the acute cubicle. Sensed a flow from my nostril. Perhaps i caught a cold i thought, carelessly wipe away with my forearm (avoiding contact withthe latex gloves).

There is faint trail of blood stained on my forearm now. My nose were bleeding.

nothing to be alarmed about. i reacted coldly and calmly. as if it doesnt concerned me. Held my mind off it, continue taking the ABG.

my emotion bleached by the constant repeatative tasks.

…
…
…

finding myself not able to sleep again tonite despite weary from a lengthy day of work. my mind wandering off somewhere else, seeking comfort.

i’d usually take effort to do thing till perfection, but lately, i’d save perfection for another day.

Blogging the blog & talking the talk :)

Blogging in not a easy task, i must admit. Sometimes, there is nothing interesting to write about. Sometimes, u got so much to tell, but, u will be too occupied to sit down properly to blog.

I’ve left my blog un-updated for quite some time, yet, I felt not right to just post sketchy bits of stories. Today, i’m determined to pick up the phase and start writing more blogs. So, where do i start?

Lastweek, while i was unpacking my stuff from Moscow, i decided to clean up some of my old stuff too. Running through boxes after boxes of “treasure”, i carefully sort out all the things. Then, i found some photo albums from nyears ago. So i decided some photos should be scanned and be placed into the bog.

are u able to spot me? haha... that

St.John

Here’s a photo during the school open day. I hadn’t joined st.john ambulance at that time. My senior asked me to helped out acting as casualty of a cardiac arrest victim 

See how real it look like in picture! :p  complete with ke-po on-lookers

well, the truth is, we always keep it proffesional when it comes to St.Joh work. All drill are chronologically done to perfection. 15 external chest compression must be counted out loud every single tijme. (note: latest updated external chect compression ratio is 1:30).

Being part of St.john is one of the best memories back then. Great friends who goes through thick and thins.

Form 6

6 form is supposed to be all work and no play for most. But, somehow, for this SMART-ians bunch, it never lacks of laughter, warmth and drama :p

Hehes, look how dorky we all look like back then :p

During the 2 years in 6 forms, we are actually very active in co-curriculum. Being in bio-class almost make us instant st.johner. We did lots of duties on site, highway patrol, and even joined forces to organise the Malaysia Book of Records for the largest Blook donation drive 

Class of 2000: smartian rulez!

I’m also involved in a Science project, which brought our team to national competition. Haha, the project won me a 3 minutes fame to be featured in tv3 and had my face printed on Popular Science magazine :p

smart or nerdy? :p

We also joined choir and battle all the way to National level. Though we failed to win the first time, our school redeemed our lost by winning 3rd place the next year 

Don't mind the ugly custome... we are one heart and united.

surviving ? :p

i’ve graduated for almost 2 month now… back in Malaysia for almost 1 month. Initially, i was expecting to start working by mid sept. but by the way things are heading now, i think i will only start work by oct.

so, wat do i do with my free time? i wonder :p

well, the whole aug month doesnt past without some surprises. Lots of things happened…

- gone to register so i could start work
- met my moscow frends for karaoke,
- gone to watch fireworks at putrajaya,
- gone to visit relatives and had a wonder meal with my cousins
- tag along for tour guiding a bit for some Russian friends who came over to malaysia for holiday 

at other times, i spent them with my family (esp with nephews). I dont have any photos to be uploaded now, coz i am ……………………..L A Z Y lorrr

well, regarding how to spend the free time till the starting of my housemanship? the basic plan is to get prepared for it, so i wont be caught off-guard with arusty knowledge.

so now, i will prepare some card-notes (like those we use in debate :p) with the some fingertips stuff essential to survive.

Janet gave me a few short notes written by some HO. It is some fun reading, but i think it is about time i dug up some of my books and start picking up the phase.

Of course, all talk and no work might not be enough, but seriously, i kindda dun feel like going to do practicals at hospital while waiting for my housemanship to begin. Coz, i will definately be swarm with the same thing when i start.

well, let’s take one thing at a time. Perhaps the path will show-up sooner or later 

chances

we were assigned to intensive care unit today. We’re supposed to clerk all patients and do write-up on the managements. after a short introduction with our first patient, the conversation was halted, as the patient claimed that he doesn't feel fit to continue the talk. So, i told him i’ll get back to him afterwards so he would rest a bit more.

We proceed to clerk another patient and the nurse alerted us that someone in the ICU just crashed. So we rushed over and find the male patient we just talked to 2 mins ago was under VF. The doctor started the CPR followed by intubation, Central Venous Catheterization, 2 defibrillation, then infused adrenalin. Then, they got back the sinus rythm on the monitor, but they did not get a pulse.

Immediately, they did an Echo and found that patient had EMD. Further CPR and adrenalin ends with a fixated pupils. Patient was declared dead.

Frankly speaking, i’ve been in such situation many times. Perhaps this particular one leave an impression on me because i did not foresee the outcome and realizing that I was the last person he had spoken to before he blew his last breath.

It must has been very grimm to die alone. It must be very sad that u did not get to say what u wish to tell before u go. It must be regretful that the last person u spoken to at ur last moment is just a random med student.

I hope he would rest in peace.

Sometimes it struck me that doctors are powerless at times. Life is more about chances. U’re done anyway when ur time is up.

Happy 2008!

Happy 2008 everyone!

It’s been a while since i post any blog. Well, it is understandable, i guess, that we all are busy getting down celebrating Christmas and New Year. Now that i finally being able to sit down quietly after the whole New Year hoo-ha, i’d wanna look back in time and see how things have been.

2008 will be my last year being here in Moscow, so Yesterday New Year celebration would be my last one here. At first, i am kind of tempted to go out somewhere to celebrate – perhaps go countdown in Red Square, or go to MGU to see the niteview of Moscow and play some fireworks there. Anyhow, considering the circumstances, i decided to join my friends for a nice warm dinner at their place. To tell you the truth, i’m really glad that i joined them, for i really cherish having a good time with close friends.

We plan the dinner just on night before new year eve. The next day, 9am in the morning, the boys set out to buy all the necessary ingredients for the dinner. After 2 hour, we at standing at the payment counter with the resit mounting to 3800 rub (that’s RM 600!)

Dinner started around 8:30pm after all of us gathered. Here’s what we’ve prepared:
(1) 26 delicious chicken wings from Trypena. Everyone fought for the black ones :p

(2) lap-sap cocktail from Kenny :p (actually it taste nice)

(3) good ol’ French-fries by David and Nicholas (a.k.a Ah Wei) . We finished the french-fries while waiting for dinner to start..mauhahaha

(4) 24 pieces of lamb-roll (with thinly sliced marinated lamb meat wrapped around apple, carrot, srping onion) served together with sweet-sour mint sauce. Yummy! by Me & Fang Jen

due to insufficient sring onion supply, the rest of the lamb is stir-fried

(5) Creamy Mushroom soup well-made by Boon Chin

(6) 36 Super Exclusiv Fried Prawn by Min Jie

(7) Juicy Spegetti sauce with minced pork, large mushrooms by Irise & Enci

(8) Salad by Kuan Mun, Claire and Yoon Chin

(9) Banana Cake with chocolate toppings by Trypena

[ah Wei & Friends]

[cute couple]

[dunno what Fang Jen pose is?? muahaha]

After the superb dinner, we enjoyed some scary ghost stories-telling by Ah Wei and friends :p The just before the clock-struck twelve, we readied for countdown.

At exactly 12 midnite, we countdown and enjoyed the firework displayed outside the window  we toasted for a great previous years and also toasted for the great coming years….

Later we showcased a super-raving Karaokes and then played games till 3am+ (aisk, our team lost and forced to do some “gruesome” punishment) But we all did enjoy the skillful “Dugong fall into longkang” by Fang Jen.. hahahah.

Untitled Autumn

I am in my bed resting my overly exerted mind. The chaos of the day seems to be potent enough, that i couldnt have done anything else had i not stop and give myself a break. A nap seems to be rational for me.

Too bad my troubled mind kept me awake. so, i slowly rolled over to the edge of my IKEA double decker. Being just next to the window, i could catch the view outside. Stooping over, i quietly watch the tiny humans moving seemingly aimlessly. Here from the 8th floor,the people outside didnt looked too different from some wandering ants.

the breeze and the swaying trees seems soothing.

Despite the time showing 7pm, it is still rather bright outside. It is autumn now in Moscow. It is marked vividly by the yellowness everywhere. The season itself makes everythings seems to move slower this evening. Supposingly, it give an overwhelming sense of serenity.

but here i am, lost in my thought, thinking of nothing in particular. It felt as if that I’ve been disconnected from my inner self of late. An uneventful news brings me no more than surprises, my inner safety mechanism triggered, and now locking me isolated. There is no way to recall what were those troubling thoughts are as of this moment.

Yet, i find no peace.

How ironic. How sarcastic.

睡眠101

最近生活又开始有点颠倒。可能是季节的转变，人容易变得疲累。很时常，随兴地就跑去睡。

睡眠是很重要的生理程序。睡眠让器官进入休息状态-也就是放缓metabolic activity，增加细胞组织的寿命。好的睡眠可以确保清晰的头脑运作，加强记忆力。而且，正常的睡眠能协和荷尔蒙失调。这可避免荷尔蒙失调造成的局部 积肥现象。呵呵，相信现代俊男美女很关注这一点吧？（甭说阿yip 没提点你们噢！）

对我来说，睡眠是有减压的功能。因为当心情不好的时候，只要大棉被盖过头，醒过来又是新的一天咯！（没错，新的一天并不代表会比昨天好。可是我先天性抱着期待的心情去看每一天，所以醒来总会比较开心。）

话说回来，最近因为睡眠时间太随兴，难免大白天也照样赶去见周公。可是说实在的，我睡得并不太好。睡眠素质变差的原因之一，就是我房间的光线太大。

好几遍我逛街都会留意哪里可以买到那个睡觉用的眼罩，可惜没缘。每当那仅仅32瓦斯的灯光在我尝试入眠的时闪得特别灿烂，我心里暗地下会想，如果有眼罩就不用受这种比皮肉之苦来得更苦的苦 :p 如果有人免费送上，就简直 perfect 啦！

说真的，睡眠不好很大条。心情会随之变差。最近连叽都笑不出来 

希望接下来，周公的 appointment 没那么密，多给我陪他聊聊天。

"milosci od pierwszego wejrzenia" - poem by Wislawa Szymborska

这样的笃定是美丽的，
但变化无常更是美丽。

缘分将他们推近，驱离，
憋住笑声
阻挡他们的去路，
然後闪到一边。

有一些迹象和信号存在，
即使他们尚无法解读。有一晚，也许同样的梦，
到了早晨变得模糊。

每个开始
都只是续篇，
这情节多端的作品
都还只是看到一半。

Beautiful is such a certainty,
but uncertainty is more beautiful.

What of the streets, stairways and corridors
where they could have passed each other long ago?

chance had been playing with them.Not yet wholly ready
to transform into fate for them
it approached them, then backed off,
stood in their way
and, suppressing a giggle,
jumped to the side.

There were signs, signals:
but what of it if they were illegible.Perhaps they had the same dream on a certain night,
suddenly erased after waking.

Every beginning
is but a continuation,
and the book of events
is never more than half open.

Darkness Lurks in Every Corner

There was a time in life when I thought knowing all the RIGHT ANSWER makes you successful. Soon enough, I learned that one need to know the WRONG ANSWERS too. Making a wrong turn teaches you how not to stray off-course the next time.

Afterward, it becomes clear that even knowing all kinds of answer doesn't make any more successful either. It only makes you wiser.

Most people look at their achievement as measurement for Success. Yet, little realized that the essence lies in THE WAY you achieve such feats. As things appears to be, there is always an answer/ a solution. But there can be many ways to obtain them: the righteous ways, and the immoral ways.

As time pass, life changes. Nothing stay as innocent as they are before. There comes a time when your integrity is challenged. When you were made to choose which way u want it. Don't fret! If you see it the way I see it, it wasn't a hard choice. Unfortunately, most people are too obsess with the many things they are afraid to lose. Some crave for unrealistic fame, and that they sold their soul. They stray far from the path of righteousness in order achieve what they lusted. And naturally, they do get what they longed for… but perhaps, they are missing the point!

What makes me sad is to see people i once thought i knew gave in those temptations. Some do it even when they know it is wrong, some did it because others do it… "not like it is a big deal, everyone else is doing it" They defended. 

Eventually, it will hurt your conscious. You'll struggle but soon realized it is an inescapable box. Why? What's done is done. You can't possibly turn back time. Good thing is some is remorseful and choose to repent. Others simply accepted this dark-side and let it grew darker. Not enough that they want to achieve their goals in their wicked ways, they get jealous easily. They would hurt you every chance they get, every possible way there is.

Maybe it is the guilt that is killing them...